rant: low tolerance

i've noticed that as i get older the less tolerance i have for people. don't get me wrong...i'm an extrovert...love social interaction...love having friends around. but my general tolerance for people has gotten much lower. so much so that i am slightly bothered by it. i sometimes find myself literally not liking people as a whole.

so i've spent some time thinking about and applying some of that super useful psychology that i learned in college and i've come to several conclusions.

  1. i have used up my the"be nice to all people" that i've been allocated. i remember growing up and always having to be on my best behavior and always be nice...even to people i didn't know. it was part of the job as a pk (pastor's kid). maybe 18 years of always "being nice" was all i had.
  2. i got over it. i got over being liked by everyone. 10-15 years ago, i just wanted to please people...my parents, my friends, my teachers, just the general masses. but i wasn't happy. i did what i was told, what was expected of me and what everyone else thought was right. but one day a very wise person once told me to be true to myself, know my worth, believe what i really believe and know why i believe it. little by little i stopped caring about how people perceived me, but for those who knew me, i was genuinely me.
  3. i've lost a little faith in people. okay...a lot of faith in humanity. a combination of life experiences, work experiences and personal reflection has shown me how flawed humans are. our short comings are bright and upfront no matter how we try to cover or disguise them. at the same time, it's amazing how forgiving a human heart can be. the hardest part of all this is as we grow up and learn and see, we discover more...good and bad...and some days the bad wins.

so between the good, the bad, and the ugly past, i am slightly more introverted. which may not be such a bad thing.

okay, now off to a project meeting, then the cattle baron's ball meeting and then a tribeza happy hour. what...i'm an extrovert...just a not always nice extrovert.


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