rant: gratitude

@sirbentley.thedood will do the hibernating now

A couple months ago I wrote that I am taking this blog out of hibernation. I sorta did. I wrote here to help clear my head and heart. But everything I wrote was so...scrambled, like my brain and emotions. Things in my life have been a little wonky. Nothing earth shattering, just meh. In many ways it feels wrong to me to feel the way I do. I am healthy, I have family and friends that love and support me, I have a roof over my head and many of life's luxuries. I have plenty to be grateful for. What more do I need? I felt petty complaining about what was happening in my tiny little bubble. So I chalked a lot of those emotions up to stress, hormones, lack of sleep and a bruised ego. What has pushed me to reflect on my mental/emotional well being is watching friends and acquaintances bare their own heartaches and struggles. I admire their bravery. And I am grateful to see that broken and flawed is more the norm than Instagram perfect. AND more importantly, you can come out of the trials stronger than before. Other people's honesty have been a wonderful reminder everyone is a work in progress.

For me, when things get tough, I get overwhelmed. It feels like I'm drowning and free falling all at the same time. It is easy for me to go down a rabbit hole of self-pity and despair. I tend to focus on the what I'm lacking. I look back and question what I could have done differently. It never leads to anything good. And if I go too far down that rabbit hole, it takes some hard work to get out. But I try to only have these moments in private. It's very Asian of me. In Chinese, it's called saving face. You don't show how broken and beat down you are. You don't ask for help. You bury the pain and repress those feelings and keep pushing forward. You never let people know how shitty things really are. I am well aware that this isn't healthy. And I will say, as an almost 40 year-old adult, I'm much better at seeking help and reaching out for support. But the tendency is still there.

So to help with what I've been going through, I've been reading up on self-care, gratitude and mindfulness. These are things my kick-ass yoga teacher, Laura, incorporates in our practice. There's been studies and articles that talk about the benefits of being grateful and focus on the positives in life. It can be something as simple as being thankful that you got the last blueberry muffin at breakfast or something as grand as receiving a cancer-free diagnosis. I am choosing to see the silver lining in shitty situations. I'm also learning that it helps to set myself up for little wins and accomplishments. It does wonders for my bruised and battered self esteem. I like being able to cross items off a to-do list. And sometimes a little win is taking stock in the positives and being grateful for all the things I have.

So today I am grateful for:
  • Having the luxury of time to spend with my family and helping my parents move into their new home
  • Being healthy to do the heavy lifting and move things so my parents do not have to
  • Having wonderful friends that encourage and support me even when I'm being irrational
  • A husband who's got my back
  • A house full of doggos to love me unconditionally

My Accomplishments
  • Washed the dishes in the sink
  • Wrote a blog post for my long hibernating blog AND posted it

rant: out of hibernation

So, this blog has been in hibernation for a bit. 😂  (complete understatement)

Possibly it was because I had nothing to say.
Possibly it was because I had too much to say.
Possibly it was because I had nothing going on.
Possibly it was because I had too much going on.
Possibly it was because I was too scared to write down what I wanted to say.
Possibly it was because I didn't think anyone wanted to read what I had to say.

But most likely, it was the fact that I focused my attentions elsewhere. Other things became my priorities. Other things occupied my time.

I started this blog years ago to work on my writing skills.  I wanted to be better at communicating my thoughts. I wanted to be able to say what I meant clearly. I wanted to make sure when I spoke, verbally or typed, that people understood me. Part of this exercise was for professional reasons; part of it was personal.

So, after several years away, I've decided to come back and revisit this space. I'm under no illusions that people stop in and read what I have to say, but that was never the purpose. I created a space where I could put my thoughts down for my own reasons. Selfishly, this is my space. If I'm able to help someone along the way, great! That would totally be icing on the cake. (yum....cake!) But I know it's a big pond out there. There's a lot of information being shared on the interwebs daily. Maybe I just want a tiny sliver of that.

Therefore, if you've stopped by randomly or miraculously still follow my blog, welcome...and thank you 😄  Bear with me as I get back into putting my thoughts on "paper". I hope you enjoy yourself here, or at least get a chuckle out of it.


rave: qui - june 20, 2013

so i've been patiently waiting and watching to see what the awesome-sauce paul qui is doing here in atx and all over the world.  and i've been especially interested in how the incubation of his namesake restaurant has been progressing.  the vague "opening spring 2013" has me sitting on the edge of my seat waiting and wanting.  

so when public school posted the above video, my excitement increased by a million fold.  not only because a date has been set (06/20/13!!!), but because this video provided a rare glimpse into how much heart, thought and soul paul, deana, and their team have put into this gem. i've never had a doubt the food will be amazing.  in fact, i'm already drooling. and no doubt the space would be gorgeous just based on paul and deana's sense of style. but what impressed me and made me love the restaurant, and can't wait to eat there even more is the immense amount of thought, consideration and austin that have been included. the way paul talks about wanting to make this space something that will impact his community and the genuine-ness of his intentions are evident when he speaks about qui. and that fact that he sourced locally - not just for ingredients to cook with, but everything from aprons to architects - speaks volumes of what kind of heart this restaurant will have. with their fearless leader leading the way and keeping true to himself, i can only see amazing things to come for qui.

so here's to counting down the days...

just saw the article on eater austin (http://feedly.com/k/1b18x8t) and it talks about food! omg...06/20/13 can't come soon enough. 

rave: target x 3.1 phillip lim 09.15.13

phillip lim is the next major collaborator with target.  who's excited?!?!

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