A couple months ago I wrote that I am taking this blog out of hibernation. I sorta did. I wrote here to help clear my head and heart. But everything I wrote was so...scrambled, like my brain and emotions. Things in my life have been a little wonky. Nothing earth shattering, just meh. In many ways it feels wrong to me to feel the way I do. I am healthy, I have family and friends that love and support me, I have a roof over my head and many of life's luxuries. I have plenty to be grateful for. What more do I need? I felt petty complaining about what was happening in my tiny little bubble. So I chalked a lot of those emotions up to stress, hormones, lack of sleep and a bruised ego. What has pushed me to reflect on my mental/emotional well being is watching friends and acquaintances bare their own heartaches and struggles. I admire their bravery. And I am grateful to see that broken and flawed is more the norm than Instagram perfect. AND more importantly, you can come out of the trials stronger than before. Other people's honesty have been a wonderful reminder everyone is a work in progress.

For me, when things get tough, I get overwhelmed. It feels like I'm drowning and free falling all at the same time. It is easy for me to go down a rabbit hole of self-pity and despair. I tend to focus on the what I'm lacking. I look back and question what I could have done differently. It never leads to anything good. And if I go too far down that rabbit hole, it takes some hard work to get out. But I try to only have these moments in private. It's very Asian of me. In Chinese, it's called saving face. You don't show how broken and beat down you are. You don't ask for help. You bury the pain and repress those feelings and keep pushing forward. You never let people know how shitty things really are. I am well aware that this isn't healthy. And I will say, as an almost 40 year-old adult, I'm much better at seeking help and reaching out for support. But the tendency is still there.

So, this blog has been in hibernation for a bit. 😂  (complete understatement)

Possibly it was because I had nothing to say.
Possibly it was because I had too much to say.
Possibly it was because I had nothing going on.
Possibly it was because I had too much going on.
Possibly it was because I was too scared to write down what I wanted to say.
Possibly it was because I didn't think anyone wanted to read what I had to say.

But most likely, it was the fact that I focused my attentions elsewhere. Other things became my priorities. Other things occupied my time.

I started this blog years ago to work on my writing skills.  I wanted to be better at communicating my thoughts. I wanted to be able to say what I meant clearly. I wanted to make sure when I spoke, verbally or typed, that people understood me. Part of this exercise was for professional reasons; part of it was personal.

So, after several years away, I've decided to come back and revisit this space. I'm under no illusions that people stop in and read what I have to say, but that was never the purpose. I created a space where I could put my thoughts down for my own reasons. Selfishly, this is my space. If I'm able to help someone along the way, great! That would totally be icing on the cake. (yum....cake!) But I know it's a big pond out there. There's a lot of information being shared on the interwebs daily. Maybe I just want a tiny sliver of that.

Therefore, if you've stopped by randomly or miraculously still follow my blog, welcome...and thank you 😄  Bear with me as I get back into putting my thoughts on "paper". I hope you enjoy yourself here, or at least get a chuckle out of it.

💛,
M

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target + neiman marcus full look book was released today on a bullseye view.  the release happened in conjunction with target's 50th year celebration.  and the collection did not disappoint.  i can totally see something for everyone. below are some of my favorites.  i'm not sure how many of these will end up being gifts though...

by the home improvement bug. Seriously, this is getting out of control. Who knew that by cleaning and reorganizing my closet and deep cleaning the kitchen (part 1...part 2 happens tomorrow) it would suddenly inspire an obsession in renovating. So this is my current list:

Granite counter tops in the kitchen and bathrooms. I'm leaving this one to the pros. Leaning towards Kashmir White granite or something along those lines. And since I'm replacing counter tops in the kitchen...
Backsplash update in then kitchen. Leaning towards subway tiles or mini subway tiles. I'm having internal debates about how the smaller mosaic type tiles will hold up in 5-7 years. Will they look dated? Also not sure if I like the busyness of the look.
Bathroom fixtures, lights and mirrors. Might as well update. Especially the faucets but putting up framed mirrors will also help. May possibly DIY the master mirror by framing it with moulding due to sheer size.
Kitchen cabinets. My contractor confirmed that my doors and fronts are wood so i can sand and stain them (Yah!) I plan to DIY them. (I've lost my mind.) Here's to 3-6 weeks where my kitchen will be taped off to look like a scene from contagion.
Paint. I want to repaint the entire interior...by myself. (Yes I'm insane.) After some discussion and though I have come to the conclusion I will commit to painting the master bath and bedroom. I may possibly paint the second bathroom since it is a crazy red with a faux finish so I can't match paint to fix the dings. The rest of the house I plan to ignore...for now.
Fireplace. I want to try and tile over the big pink brick giant in the room with some ledge stone. If is screw up the ill have someone fix it :)
Bathroom shower. Need to re-caulk all the silicone since it looks gross. Simple enough.
Kitchen island. I want to DIY a kitchen island out of kitchen cabinets, the put casters on it and have the guys replacing my counter tops install a slab of granite/butcher block on top. Anyone want to help me?!?
Front door. Replace it. Just found out that everyone at home depot/lowes and lots on the interweb are on crack. I don't HAVE to replace the frame also. I can just replace the door and hardware. My contractor is awesome.

I think that is it so far. I've lost my mind and I'm going to give my husband a heart attack.

Damn you pinterest.

so with all this going on, i haven't been focusing too much on cooking.  but i've been trying to actually use some of the pins i've pinned on pinterest. so monday night i made the commitment to try smitten kitchen's buttermilk roast chicken.  i'm a loyal follower of her blog.  seriously, every recipe i've tried has been fabulous. go check it out. ok, back to the chicken.  if you love the flavor of fried chicken but want to be healthier about it, you need to make this.  and yes, marinating for at least 24 hours is worth it.  just be patient and let it sit in the fridge...you won't be sorry.

unless you've been living under a rock you would have heard last week was sxsw here in austin. it still amazes me how huge this has become.  i remember back in college (which was a while ago) when it was this crazy weeklong hoopla during spring break where we got hear music from bands from all over the world. but now it's become an multi-event that involves, technology, film, fashion,  and food trucks. everyone comes and wants to be here.  it's amazing!  i mean, cnn rents out an entire restaurant and makes it their homebase for the week, perez hilton & rachel ray throw parties, every brand, band, film, product, app wanting exposure is here, and celebrities galore...crazy i say!